You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need a beard to bite.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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