dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
