I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
