I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
