maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We just shotgunned beers for America
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
