She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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