Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have aggressive nipples.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
