A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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