I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
