there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
