Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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