Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
