I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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