Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
