you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
