shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Randomize
