That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
