I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
