I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
