I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
