If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
