sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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