i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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