Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
