My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
