There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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