Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
