No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
