Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
