i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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