sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
