Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
