So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
