Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
