they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
