Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
