we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
