like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
