actually, I'm a sock model
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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