you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
