why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
