I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
