I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
