Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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