i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
