we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
