New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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