If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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