how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
