I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
