so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
