Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
